Hello everyone. I’m back. I know where the heck have I been for the past two and a half months? I will tell you all about that on this episode for sure. It has been an interesting time and like I’ve always said, I am going to be real. I’m going to be honest. And I’m going to tell you exactly what has been going on in my life.
The good….and the not so good.
July 22nd was the last date I published an episode and it was with Jason Matthews. I had every intention of completing Season 3 with episode 50 on July 31st and then start Season 4 at the beginning of September.
But the Universe and God had MUCH different plans for me, because it was almost impossible for me to remotely think about podcasting with some of the stuff that’s gone on.
So I guess what I’ll start with is what happened on July 25th. This was the first reason why I stopped podcasting for awhile. I was out playing slo-pitch and was up to bat. I ended up experiencing what I will just call a VERY painful knee dislocation.
I had actually done this to both of my knees over 20 years ago when I was playing very competitive slo-pitch. So I knew immediately, as soon as it started to happen, that this is what was taking place. This time it didn’t go back into place as quickly as the last two times. And that is why it’s been a lot more painful of a recovery.
It’s taken a really long time to heal and I’m at about eight weeks right now post-injury and there are still some days where it’s still not good, but I am making progress. If you know someone who’s had a sports injury, one that could potentially make you no longer be able to play that sport, it can take a real toll on your mental state and happiness.
So yeah, I was in a pretty “sad” state because I couldn’t move around at all. I didn’t have the energy or motivation to do some of the things that I love to do. Like podcasting. And because my podcast studio is downstairs in my office, it was almost impossible to get down there to record anything.
I was also on some pretty intense painkillers for a bit there. You would not have wanted to have me record anything during that time that’s for sure! I do want to give a shout out to my ball team, because they were amazing! As soon as it happened, they took amazing care of me.
After that injury happened, I was not in the mood to do much of anything. I did a lot of laying around and reading, which was really good. About a week into my recovery from this injury, I got a call that absolutely nobody wants to receive.
My mom was calling to tell me my brother was overdosing.
She sent me a couple of texts, with a photo and video of him and asked if she should take him to emergency, which I said yes, absolutely take him right now. He wasn’t looking well at all.
Just as a disclaimer, I have gotten full permission from my brother to talk about some of what I’m going to talk about because he does want people to know about this kind of stuff. Everybody obviously knows that this happens, but hearing it from someone like me who has gone through it firsthand, it might help somebody.
I actually want to have him on my show one day to talk about his own journey and how he’s made it through. And I hope and pray that one day he’ll be able to do that himself. And that it won’t be me talking about his story because I know that he could inspire a lot of people with, with his story for sure.
So back to the phone call from my Mom on August 2nd. When she told me Cory was OD-ing, I hopped in my car and drove very, very fast. I live about 3.5 hours away from where they live and I cried the entire way. The entire way.
I couldn’t imagine life without my brother.
By the time I got to Medicine Hat, my Mom had taken him into emergency and they had administered Naloxone and sent him on his way. Which is what they do I guess. But with the caveat that you’re going to need to watch him, because it only has a certain lasting effect which I think is 45 minutes.
The drug that he was overdosing on was fentanyl and it was not the street fentanyl. It was the uncut fentanyl, which is extremely potent. The only thing that we can think of that saved his life besides his many angels was that he has been on Suboxone, which is another Opiate that helps addicts not want the opiates as much, or at all. So that was in his system which we think helped him not die that day.
We took him back to my parents’ house and kept an eye on him. Sure enough, within an hour, he was in pretty bad shape again. There was a moment during all this that I knew that I wanted to talk about after it happened, because like I’ve always said….
Life can be really, really hard some days, but it can also be so frickin’ beautiful.
Medicine Hat had been experiencing quite a bad drought with very little rain. Cory and I were sitting outside on the front porch with my Mom and Dad. And while we were sitting there talking and making sure Cory was ok and staying awake, it started POURING RAIN, absolutely POURING.
Cory got up and started walking out on the street and said “F-ya, just like when we were kids, come on Tiff”. He kept saying “Come on Tiff, come dance”. And I just remember thinking that he looked so happy…and so free.
But with my knee, it wasn’t easy to get around so I kept saying no. And then I heard the voice inside of me say “Go dance with your brother”. So I hobbled my way out there. Cory took off his shirt and we danced in the rain together! Mom recorded it all on video and I am so incredibly grateful that she did.
That is a memory I will never, ever forget for the rest of my life.
After we danced, we went across the street and laid on the grass at the school yard, just my brother and I. We held hands and we prayed very, very hard as we let the rain pour down on us. We told each other how much we loved each other and that he was going to be ok and I was there for him. He even joked that he hoped my camera was waterproof because I was recording some of our conversation where we were blowing each other kisses.
When we got up to go back in the house, we looked around and there were quite a few of my parents’ neighbours also walking, playing or dancing in the rain. It was the coolest thing!! It was like we invited them all out to enjoy what God had just given us.
There’s been a lot more stuff with my brother and trying to get him into treatment and detox in the month of August. There’s also been a lot going on in my personal life with my family and sometimes you just need to admit when you aren’t able to do something for awhile and to just step back and breathe and take care of yourself before taking care of other people.
That is a hard thing for me to admit sometimes because I always feel like I need to be doing something, helping someone, serving someone. Sometimes I really just need to remember that I need to take care of myself as well in this thing called life.
During all of these trials and situations that have happened over the last few months, I have really thought long and hard about having my podcast be somewhere where people can listen to stories about mental health and trauma. How people have gotten through their hard, beautiful journeys so they can inspire others to know that there is light. There is a way out of the struggles.
I hope with me sharing what I’ve just gone through over the last couple months is an inspiration as well. That yes, some crappy things happen in life and can knock you down and it sure as hell did knock me down again. But I’m here again. I’m back and I know without a doubt, it’s because I’m always talking and wanting people to know what’s going on in my life so that I can get their help.
Somebody is always there for you.
Don’t ever stop looking for that light.
It’s always going to be there.
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Thanks for listening,
Tiff
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