Coping with the loss of a child is one of the hardest things a mother could ever do, especially when the decision was made by you. On this episode of Hard Beautiful Journey, I am joined by my friend and neighbour Chenoa Hansen.
Chenoa fearlessly shares her experience of giving up her two-day-old baby boy and the complicated feelings that came with it. She confesses to the perplexing stages of grief that included a sense of jealousy, guilt, but also… relief. 23 years later, on March 17th, 2020, Jordan, her son, sent her a message asking for the opportunity to meet his birth mother. Elated and nervous, Chenoa agreed to speak then eventually meet and connected Jordan to his birth father as well.
Old feelings resurfaced, only this time it felt unwarranted and directed towards the wrong person – Jordan’s birth father. With time and introspection, Chenoa built a solid and loving foundation with Jordan and her family and formed a bond that has only gotten deeper.
“I was plagued with morning sickness, and I was plagued by loneliness.”
– Chenoa Hansen
Listen to the full episode above or on your favourite podcast player or below!
Timestamps:
[02:18] Introduction to Chenoa Hansen
[04:30] Finding out Chenoa was pregnant
[06:56] Moving back home
[07:48] Adoption agency
[08:59] Birth of the baby boy
[11:09] Making the decision of keeping that baby for a few days
[15:02] Giving away Jordan
[17:29] March 17th: A message from Jordan
[22:21] Revealing to her children of Jordan
[24:17] First meeting with Jordan
[26:41] Regrets in retrospect
[30:47] Re-cope with Jordan’s departure
[33:33] Giving gratitude
[35:00] Outro
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Thanks for listening,
Tiff
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