Transforming Grief with Love: A Deep Conversation with Ligia M. Houben

Grief comes in many shapes – quiet, explosive, unexpected, lifelong – and it finds every one of us eventually. Some losses tear through our lives with no warning. Others arrive slowly, tenderly, preparing us and breaking us at the same time.

In this week’s episode of Hard Beautiful Journey, I sat down with someone whose entire life has been defined by a single, heart-splitting truth: grief changes us from the inside out.

My guest, Ligia M. Houben, is a grief specialist, life transitions coach, and thanatologist who lost her father at just 12 years old – a loss so profound it would later inspire her life’s mission. Her work across decades, including her framework The 11 Principles of Transformation®, has helped people all over the world honor their loss and reconnect with love, purpose, and meaning.

This conversation felt sacred, tender, and deeply human. And I want to bring you inside the heart of it.

The Loss That Changed Everything

At twelve years old, Ligia was the youngest of three girls – cheerful, connected, and incredibly close to her father. His sudden death left a fracture in her world she had no words for.

“It was a shock… I couldn’t believe it. I got into disbelief because I’d been praying for him to be well.”

Only a month later, her grandmother died. And then, a year after that, an earthquake destroyed her city in Nicaragua. Her childhood was marked by loss after loss – but also by faith, community, and the deep emotional presence of her father, who remained a beloved public figure in their country.

What struck me most was this reflection she made later in our conversation:
“Maybe I never felt different because my father’s presence was so imminent…he was always with me.”

Grief doesn’t always arrive as isolation. Sometimes it arrives with invisible companionship – the imprint of someone who shaped us so deeply that their absence still feels like presence.

WATCH THE EPISODE ON SPOTIFY

The Moment She Realized She Hadn’t Fully Grieved

Years later, during her studies at the University of Miami, Ligia enrolled in a course called Death and Dying. She couldn’t explain why she needed to take it – only that something pulled her there.

And then it happened.

She cried every single class. Every single time.

She told me:
“It was the first time as an adult that I was facing my grief…I never gave the word to my pain. It was grief.”

That classroom cracked open a truth inside her.

She hadn’t healed – she had simply kept moving. And that realization became the catalyst for her work: validating grief, naming it, sitting with it, and transforming it.

The Birth of the 11 Principles of Transformation®

Ligia eventually wrote her book Transform Your Loss: Your Guide to Strength and Hope, which introduced the 11 principles that now guide her clients around the world.

While gathering stories for the book, she noticed something – every loss held a lesson, a pattern, a calling.

She wrote the principles by hand, one after another, until she looked down and saw there were 11.

Her voice softened as she told me:
“My father died November 11…when I counted them and they were 11, what I felt in my heart will always stay with me.”

These principles became the foundation for her workshops, coaching, and courses. They are practical, deeply emotional, and spiritually grounded.

And they remind us that transformation doesn’t mean forgetting. It means allowing ourselves to live – fully, honestly, courageously – with the love that loss leaves behind.

WATCH THE EPISODE ON YOUTUBE

Losing Her Mother – A New Kind of Grief

Decades later, Ligia faced another devastating moment: the death of her mother, who lived to almost 101 years old.

Her grief was immense. Her mother had been her anchor, her inspiration, her companion. Yet even in this heartbreak, her principles held her up.

She told me:
“I lived my grief fully…I embraced every emotion. Grief is a moment at a time.”

She kept rituals.
She wrote a book about her mother’s life.
She celebrated her birthday even after she was gone.

She never tried to “move on.”
She learned to move with.

The Grief We Don’t Recognize

One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was when Ligia spoke about the grief most people overlook – grief that’s invisible but deeply felt.

The one that hit both of us straight in the heart was this: the grief of losing the person you used to be.

She shared:
“There are people grieving the loss of the person they used to be…and they don’t even know that’s grief.”

This can show up as:

• Aging and identity shifts
• Lost dreams or unmet expectations
• Burnout and emotional overwhelm
• Divorce or relationship changes
• Lost confidence, lost spark, lost sense of self

Grief is not just about death. It is about change – any change that cracks our identity. And once we recognize that, we can show ourselves the compassion we’ve been needing all along.

A Sacred Conversation Filled With Love

This episode felt like sitting in a warm room with soft light – honest, intimate, and filled with love for the people we’ve lost and the people we are becoming.

At the end, when I asked Ligia what she was grateful for, she said:
“Having this conversation with you…we have shared a sacred space.”

And she’s right – it was sacred.

If You’re Grieving Right Now…

I want you to leave this blog with the same message I left my listeners:

You don’t need to rush.
You don’t need to “get over it.”
You don’t need to pretend you’re okay.

Grief softens when we give it space – when we breathe with it, when we honor it, when we remember that it is the twin of love.

🌐 Connect with Ligia Houben

Explore Ligia’s work and learn more here:

• Website
• YouTube