From Grieving Mother to Grief Warrior (with special guest Rhonda Watt)
July 12, 2022
Are you struggling after losing a loved one who was taken far too soon?
On this week’s episode of Hard Beautiful Journey, I sit down with Rhonda Watt, who lost her son Erik to a drug overdose when he was only 19. Now, this grieving mom turned grief warrior is on a mission to help others, just like Erik, working hard on the front lines and making sure others know they too are important and loved. A harrowing story of tragedy and heartbreak turned into one of love, compassion and courage.
What a beautiful way to honour her son Erik.
EPISODE SUMMARY
In today’s episode, you’ll learn about Rhonda’s heartbreaking story of loss and survival and how she turned her grief into something powerful.
- How Rhonda and Tiffany met (3:06)
- The downward spiral Rhonda’s son faced soon after returning from the rigs (4:50)
- What happened on that one fateful Halloween night (6:02)
- The last special moments Rhonda had with her son and how she cherished them (8:38)
- What Rhonda was surprised to learn about her son’s overdose (10:25)
- How Rhonda started honouring her son Erik’s memory (14:13)
- What Erik’s Warriors mean to his loved ones and how they give back (15:30)
- What is harm reduction, and what does it mean (17:20)
- How Rhonda finds purpose through her work at the Wetaskiwin Clinic (16:32)
- What Rhonda wants others to know about the people she is helping (22:55)
- Why we need more connection and compassion in our lives (25:49)
- How we’ve lost connection as a society (28:00)
- What raced through her mind during her first outreach call (30:01)
- How meditation and walking have helped Rhonda take time for herself and focus on her wellbeing (32:30)
- How you can connect with Rhonda and Grief Warriors (37:48)
MEMORABLE MOMENTS
“We are warriors; we are his warriors now.”
“He wasn’t an addict but was going down that road. He was experimenting, and every time you experiment, God knows what you’ll end up being or if they’ll even survive it.”
“I’m still here, and so are you. We’re still together in this fight.”
“I’m going to love him through it. And that automatically reframed everything to compassion and connection. And as soon as I did that, our relationship became stronger. Almost immediately. He could feel it.”
“Connection is the human response to each other that we need; we need it in our souls, in life.”
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE
Hope Mission
Color Me Rad Run
Dr. Mohamed Mosli
Wetaskiwin Clinic (Care Gateway Medical Clinic)
Dr. Jody Carrington
Camrose Outreach School
Grief Warrior Erik (Facebook page)
Rhonda’s Personal Blog
Connect with Rhonda on Facebook
Connect with Rhonda on Instagram
Mom Stop the Harm (Healing Hearts Support Group)
Hard Beautiful Journey website
Finding Hope Through Your Siblings Addiction (Private) Facebook Group
NEXT STEPS
Are you or someone you know walking your own Hard Beautiful Journey? If you haven’t done so already, make sure to join the Hard Beautiful Journey community, where you’ll find a group of like-minded individuals offering love and support. Resonate with what you heard on today’s episode? Please leave a review on Apple Podcast so it can reach more listeners. And don’t forget to follow on Apple Podcasts!
Thanks always for being here and listening!
Tiff
Full Episode Transcript
INTRODUCTION:
(0:00) Welcome to Hard Beautiful Journey. This is a podcast about addictions, mental health and unresolved trauma. Do you want to feel less alone and more supported on the addiction journey you never thought you would be on? Do you find yourself asking questions such as, how can I help my loved one overcome their addiction? And am I doing enough? Do you wake up afraid that today will be the day, your loved one overdoses and passes away?
(0:29) Hey, I’m Tiffany. I too felt helpless and wished that I could do more to help my brother, who was struggling with addiction and mental health. I wanted him to find the help he needed and turn his life around. But I kept telling myself, it’s too hard to beat this. There are not enough resources. And I’m not a professional. So, what else can I do? I felt alone until I found hope through community, and I want to help you do the same. In this podcast, you will find community, hope and resources to support your loved one through their addiction, and most importantly, support you. So grab a seat, get your earbuds in and let’s take this hard, beautiful journey together.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(1:14) Hey, thanks for being here for this episode of Hard Beautiful Journey. Last week, I was MIA with no episode. And for that I do apologize. I don’t like to disappoint and not put out an episode every week once a season has started. But I’m going to be real, real with you. As always. I just didn’t have the emotional capacity to get an episode done. I had some pretty low moments last week. And it was just a tough time.
(1:47) I was working on a promo video for my website that talks about the reconnection coaching for siblings. And it just made me miss my brother, Cory so much. And the tears just weren’t stopping. And for anyone that has experienced grief, it can be very, very exhausting. And so, I just let myself rest. And I encourage you to rest if you feel this way too. It did me a world of good. That is for sure.
(2:18) Today on the podcast I have Rhonda Watt on the show. Rhonda is someone that grew up in the same town as me which is Shaunavon, Saskatchewan. Rhonda is here to share her story of losing her beautiful son Erik to a drug overdose a few years ago. And what she is doing now with her Hard Beautiful Journey. I have been waiting for you to hear this story for a while. So without further ado, here is my interview with Rhonda.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(2:50) Hello, Rhonda, how are you doing?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(2:53) I’m doing okay.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(2:56) I’m so, so happy. We are finally connecting. This has been at least a year in the making, right?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(3:04) Yeah, you betcha.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(3:06) A year. And yeah, my dad reached out to me at least a year ago and said, I really think you need to reach out to Rhonda Watt. And she’s from good old Shaunavon, Saskatchewan. And she has a story, a hard beautiful journey that I think would be really good for your podcast. And so we have been in contact for a year, but just have not been able to connect until today. And it’s finally happening. And before we could even get started. My brother and your son were up to their tricks and trying to be pains, weren’t they? So today, we are going to be talking about the loss of your son Erik. And I never imagined last year when we started talking that we would have this in common. This type of loss. Never in a million years.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(4:06) I never thought we would have this in common.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(4:08) Yeah, but we do. And now I think I have more compassion. No, I know I have more compassion. I have more compassion and understanding. And I get every single thing that you post and talk about and now I’m on the same mission as you that we need to get the stories out there and we need to talk about it more.
(4:36) So we are going to talk about Erik and we’re going to talk about things that you’re doing now with your journey because of the loss of your son. So how about we start with Erik’s story.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(4:50) Okay, Erik was 19 just living life, loving life got into the pot very young which we hit heads a lot. Went away to Saskatchewan for a little while, started on the rigs so couldn’t do pot so started experimenting with other stuff and found his mental health was deteriorating on the rigs. He was really struggling as he has family members that are transgender that are half black and being low man on the totem pole was hearing a lot of nonsense that really upset him. So we talked a lot about his mental health and how to deal with that, like go to the gym, do the things that you can to release some of this stuff. But finally, he sent us a text and said I quit. My mental health means more to me than this. Yeah, come on home. You can have the basement, figure it out. So three weeks before he passed away, he moved in, moved back in, and out with buddies was really sheepish just really not in a good space.
(6:02) And then Halloween night, him and a buddy were hanging out just gaming and handing out treats when we went to a Halloween meeting. I came home all dressed up and then I rushed to shower, get ready because I had to be up at five in the morning. Said my good nights quickly and a friend headed home and my husband Bill, who was their stepfather, hung out with them and watched the ballgame.
(6:32) About 10 o’clock Erik just said I’m done. I’m heading downstairs, I’m ready for bed, went to bed. Bill was up early in the morning, heard some noises from Erik’s room, kind of knocked on the door but wasn’t sure what was going on. So came and woke me just before my alarm was going to go off. So I ran downstairs, opened the door and he was struggling to breathe. He was lying on his bed, drenched in sweat, eyes rolled back and just struggling so I yelled 9-1-1. And as I was yelling in his ear, he stopped breathing and I had to start CPR.
(7:16) I’m a nurse. So it kicked into gear. Never did I ever think I’d be doing it on my boy.
(7:72) It took the ambulance 20 minutes to get there. It was a storm. I had to show Bill how to do CPR because I couldn’t keep up. I was getting pretty tired, pretty quickly.
(7:37) They showed up and actually two ambulances showed up. Did a few things. And then we packed them up and headed into Wetaskiwin Hospital where I used to work.
(7:49) Worked in the ER. So we came running in, I ran into the room and everybody just looked up “no, that’s not your son. I’m like You betcha it is. You guys work.”. And they worked. They worked hard. They were so good. They wanted to know his name, so they could speak to him while they were trying to deal with things a doctor showed up. Kind of went brown with everybody, looked at me and said, “Mom, we’ve kind of done everything. I said no. No, you keep going.” So they did. Which in hindsight, I knew. I knew he was gone. But you know, I’m a mom.
(8:31) So 6:33 they pronounced him.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(8:36) On November the 1st.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(8:38) Yeah, November 1. So now I know it as 111. Those are the numbers that come to me all the time. Those are his numbers of the day he died. I was blessed to be in that room when he died. I was blessed that the people around me knew me well enough that they let me be in that room. We were in that room for hours. Normally that wouldn’t happen.
(9:07) And I’ve talked to people about that that there needs to be a room for those goodbyes. There needs to be a room I took pictures of his tattoos. I cut some of his hair. I make phone calls from that room. Yeah, I did.
(9:23) I said my goodbyes. It was really, really, really hard when they said I had to leave because you never want to leave your kid, ever.
(9:32) Oh as I left everybody, because it was all over the hospital by that point. So everybody was coming to hug me and hold me and tell me they’re there for me and as you know Tiffany, you go out the door and life is going on. And you’re just mad. How dare the faithful continue with their lives while I just lost the most precious thing in my world. So that was the day.
(10:01) It took seven months to get any results of the autopsy. And sadly, I had to ask the doctor for an autopsy.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(10:11) Really?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(10:12) Nineteen year-old that died in his emergency room and he didn’t think that we might need an autopsy on this boy.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(10:19) Oh my goodness.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(10:21) So yeah.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(10:23) What were the results?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(10:25) Well, I thought and I was Googling, I was researching, he was hot to touch he was this, he was that. What drug? What was it? Like, what could it be? Of course, fentanyl was on my brain, car fentanyl was in my brain. All these things. I talked to my doctor about it. What do you think it could be? Could it be this? Could it be that and interestingly enough? No fentanyl? No car fentanyl. It was cocaine and MDMA
(10:54) Two party drugs? So, I tell people, it’s not just fentanyl, and that that’s killing people. Although every time you take a drug that could be in there. So no one would have saved his life. He probably had what they said is a heart attack. He was so hot. His body heated up so much that he probably had a heart attack at the age of 19.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(11:21) Wow. And was that the first time he had used that stuff or do you think he had used it before?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(11:30) No, cocaine was the drug of choice on the rigs. It releases from your body quickly.
(11:38) We had all these buddies come. We sat them down and just said this is what he died of. And there was so many different reactions. One was anger. He was like I told him, I told him not to do that shit. Don’t do it. Just because you’re going there. Don’t follow them. Like don’t do these things.
(12:00) Then I said, which one of us tried this? None of them admitted to cocaine, all of them admitted to MDMA.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(12:09) Really?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(12:10) That’s what you do. When you go to the party scene. When you go to the raves when you go to music festivals? That’s what they do.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(12:18) So it was an eye opener for them?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(12:21) Yeah, absolutely.
(12:23) Eye Opener. Yeah. And one of his best friends. It’ll be five years in November, has not gotten better. Really. COVID has not helped this. He is not working. He is in his own world. And he has not come out of this well.
(12:45) The other ones are getting on with life. They’re working. They’re honoring him in different ways. So it’s nice to see but his best friend is still struggling with it.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(13:00) Yeah. Wow. Oh, my goodness. I, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss too. I know, I’ve told you that privately, but just seeing what my mom and dad are going through with the loss of my brother, like I honestly have so much compassion for you and Bill and know that this is ripping you apart. And there’s nothing that can bring them back. But what we can do, and what I think you and I are both doing is doing something with the loss, right? You can either go down a dark, dark hole yourself and not come out. Or you can try and find a ray of light from it. Doesn’t mean you have to have that ray of light going every single day, which I definitely don’t. But sometimes you can have it once or twice a week or once a week or once a month.
(14:07) So let’s hear about what you are doing with your grief journey.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(14:13) Yeah, we started out right away, honouring him in different ways. So Erik, and I used to go to Hope Mission and hand out food and stuff. So, the first Christmas, we didn’t do much, but my mind kept thinking about how do I honour him? How do I honour him? So, the second Christmas I started on Facebook, just asking anybody who wanted to contribute. I was going to do Tim’s cards. Just going to go out. We’re going to hand out Tim’s cards. I’m going to carry my naloxone. I’m going to have a picture of Erik and I’m just going to talk to whoever will listen to me. So, did that, it just felt right and right in every way.
(14:57) His birthday the first year I was trying to find interesting ways to honour him and I went to the bakery and I ordered a cake that someone had ordered. I paid for it. And I wrote a nice little note about my son, and why I was paying for their cake.
(15:20) We did our own kind of cooked meal that he would love anything with bacon, he was a cook, he loved to cook. So we honour them in that way.
(15:30) We started doing runs because Erik and I did quite a few of the Color Me Rad runs. And the first year we did it that summer, we had over 50 people running. We all had shirts with his picture on it. We were Erik’s Warriors. And that’s where the Erik the Great Warrior {Erik’s page} came from. We are warriors, we are his warriors now. So it’s expanded to the point that they opened a shelter in Wetaskiwin now and I’m like “Oh Good. We can go here. We can, can do this for Erik.” So I showed up.
(16:09) They honoured me with smudging and ceremony. And they heard me, they heard every word I said, they connected with. He wasn’t an addict but was going down that road. He was experimenting and every time you experiment, God knows what you’re going to end up being or if they’ll even survive it.
(16:32) And then about a week later, they were looking for someone to help medically at the shelter because they had COVID. So I reached out said I can offer hours. I don’t know how much but I can start right away. The director, it wasn’t long, before he was offering me a job asking because we were seeing the medical needs were huge in the building with the amount of people we were seeing. So took point six, gave up a lot of my other job and started mental health addiction clinics with two of the top doctors in our province came to Wetaskiwin, Alberta to help us with this goodness. We were blessed.
(17:20) Then we’ve had a lot of trials and tribulations in Wetaskiwin because we were right downtown. It was hard for people to see people using and the community didn’t understand harm reduction, and keeping these people alive and what harm reduction means is not just handing needles and clean supplies, it’s connection. It’s being there. It’s giving them Naloxone when they’ve had the fall and they’ve taken the drug, it’s them waking up and going, “okay. Okay, I’m still here, and so are you. We’re still together in this fight.”
(18:02) So that we got closed there. Then they moved to another area in tents and we started doing outreach. It was difficult, the city moved them behind Walmart with a bunch of tents, outreach and then started having battles with our company and not wanting us to be on the property. So, we found ways around it. We went through a farmer’s field to a barbed wire fence, and we handed supplies, we handed out medications, we handed out food.
(18:35) We continued the connection that we need it for these people. So finally they got another shelter in place and the doctor and I continued doing addiction clinics. We would drive into where those tents were, set up a table and chairs and “come on down”
(18:59) They came, they came and new people came. New people at tent city showed up, everybody came so when they were opening up a new shelter close to tent city, this doctor decided to open a clinic in Wetaskiwin and said I need you. I need you to come.
(19:19) I’m like yeah, I’ll be there. Yeah, I’ll be there myself and another lady that works at the clinic. We sat in trucks. We would chase people down to find them to do a clinic and do a zoom with Dr. Mosli and do whatever we could to keep the connections going you can’t get away from me I will find you one of the clients the other day even said you know to member Rhonda when all I could hear was “Get in the truck!”
(19:52) You found me and you got me to talk to Dr. Mosli again. You did not let go. I had you in my corner and Dr. Mosli , and here I am at the clinic to this day so come into the clinic taking Suboxone during the journey has fallen off and come back on and done this. They do.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(20:17) It’s a roller coaster.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(20:21) I’m not going anywhere. I’m in your corner. To the point now I have some calling me mom. One young man who’s indigenous is calling me Kokum.
(20:34) Which is an honor. It’s huge. Huge honor. And just knowing I’m not going anywhere, I’m here. I’m this this white woman who lost her son who’s on the same journey as you. I just want to help, tell me how I can help. And if you come into your clinic room and you say, “oh no, I use this week.” I’m like “okay, so what can we do next? What’s the next step? What do you want us to help you with? What will make this better?”
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(21:05) And what are they saying?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(21:07) They’re saying so many things. I’m finding. Yeah, opening up about the trauma. Residential Schools. We have served Maskwacis, Louis Bull , we have them all around us. So they are often migrate to Wetaskiwin for help, because their own groups don’t know what to do. You know, a lot of them are dry reserves. So they send them on their way. So I’m finding they’re, they’re starting to be more and more honest, because they know I will say “Really? Did you really not drink this week? I don’t know. Two days go. You look pretty intoxicated.” I don’t forget dude. And then there’s the joke about okay, Rhonda, is either mom today or she’s Ronda Rousey today, depending on your attitude, so they’ve learned to behave or they’ll teach new people. So we developed a lot of supports.
(22:08) We have a social worker, we have mental health addiction counselor starting, I have another LPN that works with our medical team. We have family doctors, we have several addiction, mental health doctors, all with really different ways they do things. Dr. Mosli is also a pain specialist. So people are sending people who are hooked on the oxys, T3’s and everything else to find a better solution to that. So we’re kind of the full meal deal plus low barrier. You can miss 10 appointments, I’ll get you in on your 11th. You show up to want to see the doctor want a hot cup of coffee and warm up, go to the washroom. Good. If you want to talk I’m here.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(22:55) I have two questions. The first one is, what do you want people to really hear and know about the people that you are helping?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(23:05) I want people to show empathy.
(23:12) Just listen, like take the time to listen. If you do, you will be shocked. I have heard the most horrific difficult stories ever. And I’ll often say, of course you drank.
(23:28) Why would you drink? I can’t imagine any other way. So just listening. Empathy comes in many forms. Either you listen, you give some food out, you hand them a water. You hand them money, and they may use it to have a drink. But if they don’t have a drink, they might have a seizure. So with that in the back of your head, that you’re enabling them cause harm reduction is not an enabling.
(23:57) If we keep them alive, they need to be alive to get help. And it might not be today, it might not be next year, but it might be two years from now. Right.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(24:06) So that was my next question. Is enabling harm reduction?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(24:13) Yeah, and everybody has a different form of what they call that enabling. So it depends on your own personal what that means to you. But the word is thrown around a lot. And as a mother did I enable by letting him come back home? Did I enable by knowing he was using but you know, not really dealing with that? No. I was just offering food, a nice bed to sleep in and availability to me when they wanted to.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(24:51) Connection.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(24:52) Yeah, if you don’t connect, they’ll never talk to you about it. And I’ve learned to not beat myself up anymore.
(25:01) He took the pills. I didn’t do it. And his siblings need to learn that also, because one sibling is really struggling with it. Because one sibling has dealt with addiction. And you know, it’s an ongoing struggle and said, first off, should have been me mom. No it shouldn’t have. He made the choice, you have to understand you gave him tools over. Tools like don’t use alone. Don’t use in mom and dad’s house, be smart where you get your things from, all the right things. He used alone and in his room in my house. And he took a chance.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(25:49) So speaking of siblings, because that is one of the areas that I want to be focusing on because it can and it did fracture our relationship for many years. But there was a point where, three and a half years ago, I was going through my own hard time, and I decided that if I was going to understand myself, and the things that were hard for me mentally, emotionally, then I should give the same back to my brother. Yeah. And that, honestly, was the words, I’m going to love him through it. Yeah, we’re in my brain, and they stayed there. And any time that he reached out to me, I just remembered those words, I’m going to love him through it. And that automatically reframed everything to compassion and connection.
(26:52) And as soon as I did that, our relationship became stronger. Almost immediately. He could feel it.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(27:02) He could feel that sister, she’s back.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(27:08) And that I’m, I’m, I’m not going to just hand over a bunch of money to you all the time. But I’m going to say, what’s going on today. Tell me about it. Talk to me about it. Or I would drop everything and just go be with him and just sit with him.
(27:27) Or I would FaceTime him, even though he hated FaceTime. Like he wouldn’t show his face. But I’d be like, “Come on, let’s FaceTime.” Or just texting. There was a point where I got him to do gratitude, daily gratitude with me. And you don’t like just letting them know that I was there. And so you saying that word connection. And I know you and I both love Dr. Jody Carrington. {Inaudible} That is at the center of this all, in my opinion.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(28:00) Agreed, agreed. Yeah, we’ve lost that piece in our world because of social media and because of every way we can stay away from connection. We don’t answer our phones when someone calls. Like, connection is, is human response to each other that we need, like we need it in our souls, in life.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(28:24) Connection and compassion.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(28:26) You betcha. And if you don’t have to learn to together, you’re not going to treat these people.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(28:34) I agree with you 1,000,000 % because you can have the connection, but still not truly feel a level of compassion.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(28:43) And believe them. Believe what they say is true to them, whatever it may be, it may be off the wall, but it’s true to them in this moment, in in this time, and that’s not the place or the time to try and debate them on it. You know, you may think I’m saying this to you. But I’m not. They felt it. I’m sorry. And just keep listening.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(29:14) I was speaking with another outreach worker as well and her sitting in an alley in BC and administering Naloxone and him waking up to her holding his hand. Like even that, where somebody wakes up and they see somebody holding their hand.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(29:37) The best connection I had was sitting in the back of the vehicle during outreach with the clients because I got to sit in the back helping someone else who was struggling. Now another staff member was upfront, but when I was on shift, I was in the back with them. I heard what they had to say I was able to connect more. I learned so much more about them back there.
(30:01) My very first Naloxone at the hub. When we got there, I was worried because I thought okay, “the first time this happens am I going to think of Erik? Am I going to fall apart? How’s it going work?”
(30:16) So the first young man I, I got called, we ran up, he was out. Another girl and I. She got on the phone, I gave the naloxone. We’re just kicked into gear. And then someone says, that’s his mom right there. And all I could think about, oh, my God, you have got to wake up right now, buddy. So became even stronger, you have to wake up, you’d have to live, you have to.
(30:41) And he came around, and he was good. And of course, he didn’t go to the hospital, but he was safe. We could keep an eye on them. And then I went to her after. And I said, “Leslie, you know, I lost a son.” And she said, “Yeah,” I said, “I wasn’t losing yours today.” And she said, “Thank you. Thank you for doing that.”
(31:02) I’m like, “no, as long as I’m here, I will do everything in my power to keep them alive until they’re ready. Till they’re ready to make change. And change is not going to be sober. Change is going to be I’m not going to drink today, but I might use some meth. Okay, okay, that’s a step.
(31:26) Or I have the alcoholics who say, I don’t want to really stop. And I’m like okay. So you don’t want to stop. But how can we do it so that you feel okay in your life? And you can do the things you want to do? And still have a drink? How can we do that for you?
(31:42) There’s many options out there, whatever that might be. And Dr. Mosli, we’ll say this often, okay, you drink, use meth and use heroin. Would like to deal with the heroin, because that’s going kill you. So that’s the immediate death. The other ones we can work on piece by piece, but that’s the one that’s going to kill you. Do you have Naloxone?
(32:08) We listen to them, but at the same time, they need to hear why we would like to deal with a certain area because that’s the one you’re not going to wake up from.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(32:18) The thing that I’m also trying to help people understand is that you can’t help anybody if you’re not helping yourself first, and taking care of yourself. So how are you taking care of yourself?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(32:30) That that was a tough one. Because as a nurse, I burnt out several times I used to work ICU and cardiac care. And I’ve learned little pieces, but not enough to really say, Okay, I’m really taking care of myself. When I lost Erik, I was Googling, I need to solve this. I need to figure out how to get better. How do I deal with this. So I was reaching every direction found a beautiful lady, we’ve connected and we’re friends forever now. She was my great companion. So she companion me, we talked like a messenger, she lost her son, it was great. Now in the midst of really working hard on all this, I found, I meditate every day. I have to before I walk in the clinic door, if it’s particularly rough day, I go for a walk, or lately, we weren’t in the beginning, we were taking our breaks, we weren’t. And I’m like, Hey, I’m going for lunch. So have a quick lunch and I leave the clinic. Now when I walk in, if I have to alter on some headphones, I’ll just chill a little bit and release it all before I go back in. So I’ve really learned that I have to let it go.
(33:47) And all my days off, I have to stay off the computer. I can’t look at who they’re seeing. I can’t read the notes, do it when I get back. When I leave, I leave. So I started at the clinic four days a week. And I said to Dr. Mosli quite quickly, that I want to go down to three. Four is too much. I will do it to get you going I’ll do get the connections going. I’ll get people in the door. But we need to look at how we’re going to and we’ll need people anyway.
(34:17) So an LPN who’s worked with these clients who is indigenous joined the team and has taken my fourth shift, so I work three days a week, which is better for my mental health and work life balance. How do I make sure I’m present with my husband and my children and present at work when I’m there and yeah, it’s helping tremendously. So just finding what works for you, whatever that may be. Whatever it is, nature is. I talked to Erik when I walked in nature I feel Erik when I’m in nature, I’ve seen mediums. Lots of very good ones and Erik is always around when you when you talk about {inaudible} and then like if the signs are there, he messes with me. He’s like, I’m right here, Mama. And he’s proud as hell of what I’m doing. He knows every step of the way, it’s in honor of him. And if we save one life a day, if we connected with one person, yay, yeah.
(35:23) So whatever it may be, I feel like he is just spurring me on. You’re on the right path, mom, talk to people. I’ve talked with overdose awareness campaigns on the day, which is August 31. I’ve spoken about and I try and bring the angle of who’s a recreational user. He wasn’t an addict, he was experimenting, God help you young people. I talk just before COVID just went with a police officer and talked at Camrose Outreach High School. And that was impactful. Awesome. And I want it we were working on trying to get into the younger grades. I want to get in the very young grades when they’re just starting to think about these things and their mental health and they’re all the things that lead them in the wrong path. Yeah, just anything to remember, remember Erik’s face, because Erik’s face is impactful. When I have him up on a big screen with his big smile. It’s impactful.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(36:30) I have goosebumps right now. So I’m just telling you, I know his face is on my other screen right here. Yeah. And his smile. Just like my brother’s like in Cory’s Memorial video. His smile could light up the world. Well, I know Erik, smile is the same.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(36:52) Like guys would always say we’d go to a party. Erik go in first. And we’d come in and be like, Oh, forget it.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(36:58) We’re dog meat.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(37:01) And he didn’t even understand it. Yeah, everybody’s brand. You know, he was the one that I go. Where are you going? He’s a teenager. It’s like, oh, I got to text so and so she needed a ride. She’s stranded at a party. Blah, blah, blah.
(37:20) He was the guy that they could all reach out. And he was the guy that sat with his best friend’s sister, when best friend walked right by her, because he knew something was wrong. And she said that he would sit and just go “Hey, what’s wrong? What’s going on?”
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(37:36) Yeah, connection.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(37:39) Yeah, he knew how to do it.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(37:43) So tell me about Grief Warriors. Your group?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(37:48) Well, I blog. So it’s been really good for my grief journey. I’ve found writing is a place where I can let it all go. And just speak whatever comes to me. And it’s funny. My husband always says, “What are you doing? I’m like, Oh, I think today I’m writing a blog.” And then I’ll come up an hour later and go, just posted. I’m like, yeah, it just comes. Just comes and it’s often on the paper. So that started I wanted to start blogging and then I was putting out a lot of grief stuff on my personal page and the people probably getting tired of hearing all this grief stuff. So I just let them know, I’m just putting it on another page. Just going to be this page. If you want to come check it out. Please do. If it’s too much, don’t that’s fine with me. And it’s led me to some great connections. People reach out people just need to talk about their loved ones or children. I’ve met so many mamas who have lost loved ones. And just need someone who understands. And I’ll say that yeah, no one wants to be in this club. When asked to be in this club, but we’re in the club. So the only other person is going to understand you, another mama. Now their mama has lost a child.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(39:08) Instantly the worst. It doesn’t need to be by from drugs.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(39:13) No anything. Like I have a lady who reached out her son was murdered. They never found his killer to this day. Still not and what that must do to her. Yeah, or suicide like and I say anybody who’s lost someone by suicide or overdose there’s a stigma. Sadly, and this lady said to me, but I can’t talk about it. Rhonda, I said you have to talk about it. You have to because we will break the stigma if we don’t talk about our children and grief, as I’ve learned from my grief companion in all my years here, grief is with us but mourning is releasing it, mourning helps us grow and soften and teach the world about grief and about how we survive it. And I’ll say, you know, you’re gonna have a grief first, but you learn after a couple of them (days), you will survive the grief first. So just go with it. And, and honor our if it’s in the grocery store, someone said to me, oh my god, I had to run out and I was crying. I said, just stand there and cry.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(40:31) Oh, shit. I was like, what store was I in the other day? Last week, I was having a tough week because I made that video for and the tears honest to God just wouldn’t stop all week. And I was in a store and I was like, whatever. I was literally walking down the aisle with tears running down my face. I was going through drive thrus like Tim Hortons with tears going down my face. I’m like, grabbing my bagel, and my coffee and like tears are like, literally soaking my face. And they’re looking at me like, oh, and I just said thank you and just kept going. It’s interesting.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(41:10) The people that will stop and go, Oh, are you okay? are the ones that go?
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(41:16) Oh, no, they look away. I’m going to meet her in the aisle. I got to go. I got to go the other way.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(41:22) Yeah. But I’m the person that’s going to walk up to you and go “hey do you need something?” going to walk up to you and go, “Hey, do you need something?” And they will and, and I’ll ask their name.
(41:58) I have a young girl who sent me a video and she was oh my god, Rhonda, I found this are you sure you really want to hear and I’m like, hell yeah, I want to hear it. And they were going to drive in and he was on his phone playing Pokémon or whatever. And she asked him What are you doing? And he’s like, playing Pokémon {inaudible} Yeah. It’s his voice it’s his face.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
((42:32) It just keeps you keeps them alive for a little bit.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(42:36) Yes it does, yes it does.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(42:42) Where can people reach you, Rhonda?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(42:45) Well, Facebook’s the probably the simplest, you’ll find me under Grief Warrior Erik. It’s a page all by itself. And then the connection to the blog is right there. Anytime you want to message me on Facebook, Rhonda Watt. Go ahead. connect up with me if you need help. I’m willing to listen, Jodi Carrington I did my interview with her. And then the next week she was out in Camrose doing a grief talk. And a lady Jody brought her up to me and said, “Hey, she came to meet you. Not me. She’s one of my biggest fans, but she needed to talk to you.” Because her daughter is dealing with fentanyl addictions and left, left rehab back to it. So on and so on. I’m ok.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(43:43) And that’s how we get our stories out there.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(43:47) Yeah, whatever I can offer to help us I mean, the clinic, exactly. We can do it virtually from wherever your child is, if they’re willing to just look at me on the screen. Let’s chat.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(44:00) Let’s chat. Sometimes that’s all it takes is just one person.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(44:05) I always say every person that walks in that door. That was the hardest step you’ll ever make. Just walk in the door. Absolutley. Good on you.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(44:18) Yeah. So I end every interview with something I am grateful for. And I am grateful for my dad sending me in your direction a year ago. Because like I said, at the beginning, I never imagined that I would be in the same situation as you.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(44:40) I remember when you sent me the message for Facebook. And I was like, oh, no, another family. A family. I know.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(44:51) I know. So I’m just grateful for you. I’m grateful for this conversation. I’m grateful for what you’re doing and that you’re taking your grief and Erik’s memory, and doing something for other people, and remembering that these are real people.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(45:14) They are real people. Yeah, every day you go that, remember, and the stats are going up and up. And it’s getting scary out there. Well, I’m on Instagram too. I’m Bill’s chick. Bill’s chick find me that way. But yeah, the stats are scary. So Mom Stop the Harm. If you’ve ever lost someone to overdose. They have a siblings group, they have Healing Hearts, just for the anyone who’s lost someone. They do a lot of advocacy where, which I’m a part of. So if that’s something that might help. Look all across Canada. We’re all across Canada now. So you can find something in your area. Hopefully, they’ll do the little with it.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(45:58) For sure. Reach out, reach out. What are you grateful for today, Rhonda?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(46:03) I’m grateful that we met too. I’m grateful. It’s interesting. Because I remember Cory, as a I was young, and I remember him and being it’s hard to say but I knew something was off. Yeah, as a young guy. Yeah, something and to bring this back around. Because I know your dad, he’s playing the bands. Yeah, always knew him to reconnect, and just be a part of your journey. As you’re doing what you need to do now for the siblings. Like we can be a force we mom’s, siblings, everybody going the same direction and connecting and empathizing and listening, we could all make this world a better place.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(46:58) Absolutely. And that’s what we are doing and going to do more of you bet. I agree. I am so grateful again for your time. And I can’t wait for people to hear this interview and learn more about what you’re doing and what other people can do. Yeah. In the face of their grief. Right?
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(47:17) Yeah. It’s just love, your loved ones and honor them. Whatever way is important to you in them, whatever that may be. It’s different for everybody and don’t say, Oh, my God, she got through her. Her grief so quickly. I’m not through my grief. There are days I don’t get up. There are days, I’m like, hell no, go away from me, everybody. So don’t think that if someone looks like they’re doing better, you’re not seeing the whole picture. So just don’t compare yourself and just be gentle. And take care of yourself, whatever that may be for you.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(47:58) That in my opinion, is number one, take care of yourself first.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(48:02) So you know, back then you can help whoever you want to help in whatever way so you can be good for your children. If you’re just a mess constantly. You know, you have to cry. Let them see you cry. Let them see you mourn and struggle. But make sure that when they need you that you’re available that you can try and go cool. Okay, let’s listen. What do you need from me right now? What can I help you with right now? And if you can’t do it right now say I’ll do it. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I can do it
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(48:34) Yeah, just be there for them.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(48:36) You bet.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(48:37) Thank you again so much for your time. I appreciate it.
RHONDA WATT – SPEAKER 2 (GUEST)
(48:42) You bet. Thank you for doing this. This is great thing good podcast. Good information for everyone.
TIFFANY VAUGHAN – SPEAKER 1 (HOST)
(48:50) Thank you Rhonda you are doing amazing work in Erik’s name, and you should be so proud of the lives that you have impacted in so many ways. I am truly, truly sorry that your beautiful son was taken from your lives due to drugs just like my brother was. If you are a parent and need support from losing a child in any manner, please look up Rhonda’s Facebook Group called Grief Warrior. They will wrap you in love and support. Speaking of Facebook groups, I also have a private Facebook group called Finding Hope Through Your Sibling’s Addiction. I would love if you would let anyone know that is dealing with this, that there is a place of support for them as well. And I would love for you to join this Hard Beautiful Journey is much easier with someone to walk it with. We weren’t meant to do any of this alone. Again, the name is Finding Hope Through Your Siblings’ Addiction. Thank you again for being here and listening. It truly means so much to me that you take the time to listen. Until next time please Be Kind and Stay Well.
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