3 Ways Parents Can Support Their Teen Struggling With Any Form Of Addiction

Today we welcome Aaron Huey, the founder of Parenting Teens That Struggle. He is also the host of the number one parenting podcast, Beyond Risk and Back, with the highest international ratings on the Mental Health News Radio network!

After realizing that teen mental health is under attack, Aaron and his wife, Christine, turn to parents to keep their children out of treatment centers.

His message and mission are to encourage parents to undertake the hard inner work required to support their struggling children.

Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:

1. Discover there is a difference between being self-centered and being centered in yourself.
2. Learn how to take care of yourself first and make time for a joyful moment every day.
3. Take a sneak peek into the mind of someone who has ADHD.

Episode Highlights

Who is Aaron Huey?

• Aaron has been in personal addiction recovery for 23 years, and ADHD is his superpower.
• He works as a family consultant, a teen coach, and an addiction interventionist. Additionally, he is an internationally recognized lecturer on archetypal imagery, body language, and martial arts.
• Aaron is a very happy husband and father of two young adults and a powerful parenting event facilitator.

The programs he started

• Aaron is the founder and president of Fire Mountain programs.
• He has run kids and teen camps and family programs since 2004.
• He and his wife opened a residential mental health and dependency recovery treatment facility for teens (ages 12-17) in Colorado in 2009.

Other achievements

• Fire Mountain Residential Treatment Center was named one of the top 50 health care providers in the United States in 2019. And in 2020, it was named one of the top 100 innovators in health care.
• Aaron’s new online parenting masterclass recently was awarded a tele. 
• He founded Safe Dojo, a martial arts instructor certification course for working with and teaching children with trauma. 
• The US Martial Arts Hall of Fame is a sponsor of Safe Dojo. 

How did Aaron get to where he is today?

• Aaron’s biological father abandoned him, and he is eternally grateful to his “bonus father.”
• He experienced the 4 A’s: Addiction, Assault, Abandonment and Abuse.
• Aaron recommends that every parent take the free ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) quiz for their children and themselves.

His turning points

• Aaron got sober in 1998 and went to work for a great guy, eventually becoming the assistant director of his company, which was a camp for kids.
• That fueled him further, and he established a martial arts school, after-school programs, weekend events, summer camps, a teen rite of passage program, and teen empowerment camps.

Mental health for teens is under attack

• In August of last year, Aaron and his wife were forced to close one of the top-rated residential treatment centers for adolescents in the United States due to astronomic property insurance rates.
• Politics, insurance, and even property insurance are all attacking mental health and residential health care for teens.
•  The education, political, religious, parental, and social systems have failed our children.

The results are not the problem

• Actions produce results. Feelings inspire actions, and thoughts inspire feelings. Thoughts are formed by experiences, and experiences are formed by prime influence.
• If parents are going to do deep work for their struggling children, we need to shift to a position of prime influence.
• The problem isn’t with the results; it’s how parents react to them. We must move away from responding to outcomes.

Doing the hard work

• We don’t get over the trauma; we get on with it. The trigger is not “the thing” you have got to fix –– the trigger is the sign that “the thing” still needs work. 
• The focus cannot be on the trigger; it must be on the person, on the arrogant work of recovery.
• We must focus on what is still alive: the hurt, pain, and loss.

Facilitating basic human needs

• The five basic human needs, in developmental order, are safety, power, connection, freedom, and worth.
• We need to figure out what need is being addressed by the actual self-harm.

After parents complete the first two steps

• Once you’ve completed the first two steps, you’re no longer in survival mode.
• You’re no longer in “fight, flight, freeze, faint, fornicate, or feed” mode.
• Your children have already lost it, so you can’t lose it.

What to do if you’ve lost control of your home

• Aaron has 5 essential requirements: sleep, movement, deliberate breathing, eating, and drinking water. 
• If you don’t have any of those five things, the other four will fall apart, and you’ll be stuck in survival mode.
• You can try a thousand approaches and techniques, but none of them will be effective if your self-care is lacking.

The role of mentors in the healing process

• Dr. Patch Adams was one of Aaron’s first mentors, whom he met when he visited the hospital where his dad, who raised him, ran.
• During it, all, take a moment to ask yourself, “Where am I, who am I? Why am I acting the way I am now?”
• You can’t help others until you help yourself.

Self-care is not selfish

• There is no such thing as putting your kids first.
• Even if you believe that putting your kids first is at the core of your value system, that’s still putting your value system first.
• Being self-centered or centered in yourself are two different things.

Explaining ADHD

• Being in Aaron’s head is like having a conversation with him 24/7.
• Aaron reads something he wrote to communicate what it’s like with ADHD. See the full excerpt below, it’s powerful.

What to do if your child receives a “death sentence” diagnosis

• Aaron recommends that every parent watch the video “How Diablo Became Spirit.”
• Patch Adams’ advice that changed Aaron’s life was to treat the family, not the diagnosis.
• As parents, we must start re-framing our children’s behavior. If we don’t, can we expect them to do it?

Powerful Quotes from this Episode

19:19 – “Still inside I have an addict that just wants to be happy and not suicidal.”

31:24 – “If I’m going to give my children anything better than my worst, then I’ve got to not be there – I’ve got to move forward from my worst.”

Connect with Aaron Huey:

Beyond Risk and Back Podcast

Parenting Teens That Struggle – Website

Parenting Teens That Struggle – Facebook

Fire Mountain Residential Treatment Center

Resources:

How Diablo Became Spirit

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Thanks for listening,

Tiff